Oh geeze, I’m feeling nostalgic and sentimental tonight.
And I’m torn…
I’m always grateful to have a tender heart, and wouldn’t trade it for the world, but my goodness, nostalgia and sentimentality hurt sometimes. Mmm…make that all the time.
On the other hand, I do some of my best thinking and praying and writing when my heart is all wrenched up in this soppy, teary-eyed little ball of love/gratitude/sadness/humility/despair.
And so, while I’m in such an introspective mood, I thought it would be a good time to compose my list of Birthday wishes (aside from the extensive wish lists I daily maintain at Amazon and Anthropologie, and bi-monthly at Pottery Barn).
In exactly ten minutes I will become…(gulp)…30. And I’m cool with that. I am finding that the confidence and ease that begin to rest on a woman during these years is actually much more desirable than being completely wrinkle-free and able to drink Dr. Pepper with every meal without ever gaining a pound. I actually feel more comfortable in my skin today than I did when I was younger and thinner and I care a lot less about having all the stuff that I thought would make for a full and happy life.
Its weird how that happens.
That said, my list of wants has really grown. And unfortunately, the things I desire most take a lot of time to acquire and cannot be purchased at Utica Square…
However, I have every hope that many of my wishes will come true, and by the grace of God, even sooner than I can imagine.
Without further ado, I present to you Mrs. Gore’s List of Wishes for her 30th Birthday (aside from her extensive lists of wishes at Amazon, Antropologie and Pottery Barn), in no particular order:
1. I want to spend 100 more years with Mr. Gore. House or no house, money or no money, king-sized bed or pine-needle mattress on the floor…I want to be beside that guy.
2. I want to hold Gideon’s 4-year old hand forever. It is just big enough for us to criss-cross our fingers, but small enough to feel like he is still mine for a good while.
3. I want a jar of Rebekah’s giggles to listen to anytime I want.
4. I want my Daddy and my Mama to stay as healthy and energetic as they are now for a long…long…LONG time.
5. I want to live like what I say I believe in is true.
6. I want to save an orphan from possible death and certain hopelessness. And then I want to go back for 4 or 5 more.
7. I want the freedom to live like I am on pilgrimage, breaking loose of the worldview that I have been trapped in.
8. I want to learn how to french braid my own hair. No I don’t. I want my Mama to french braid it for as long as she can and then I want Rebekah to take over.
9. I want to love the brethren, even those who have hurt me. I want to have the kind and forgiving heart of Betsie Ten Boom, without guile, without a grudge, without pride.
10. I want to write a book for my children that will make the gospel come alive to them.
11. I want – no, I beg – for God to cause my children to love Him more than I do and to sin against Him less than I do.
12. I want for my church to continue to grow in love and in unity, proclaiming to the world around us that we are holding fast to one another for life because we believe the Word of God and we are compelled to obey it.
13. I want Regis to come to perform at a casino in Oklahoma so I can put these young girls with their “Bieber fever” to shame.
14. I want to be captured by the Bible, like an old-school pioneer woman who has one book to read…the Bible.
15. I want to do whatever it takes to spend more time playing with my children…if that means getting rid of all our stuff or staying up until 3:00 a.m. to clean the house or throwing our computer into the pond…I say “okay”.
16. I want to have wisdom aplenty. For real.
17. I want to jump into a chalk drawing like on “Mary Poppins” and ride across a pond on the back of a friendly turtle.
18. I want to be an advocate for babies in the womb every day of the year, not just on election day or on “Sanctity of Human Life” Sunday.
19. I want every item on my extensive wish lists at Amazon, Anthropologie and Pottery Barn to show up on my doorstep on January 1, 2012. Then I will make a resolution to spend $0 on myself for 1 year.
20. I want for Baby Betsie’s eyes to continue to light up in my presence for as long as we are together.
21. I want to build a retirement home next to the church for my beloved Young at Heart friends…I can’t bear having another brother or sister move to Tulsa or Oklahoma City to find a place to live. Can’t bear it.
22. I want to be as hardworking and hospitable as my parents.
23. I want to show Mr. Gore as much love and honor as he shows me.
24. I want to possess the faith to know that God loves my family more than I do and that His plans for us are better than my plans for us.
25. I want God to hunt down those I’ve been praying for and change them as immediately and as drastically as he did Saul of the Bible. I want him to write His name upon their hearts and I want to watch their lives become whole.
26. I want to be a mouthpiece of the peace and love and faithfulness of the Creator of the world…
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some candles to blow out.